I want to be active and excited and creative. I want to do and see and be, I am tired of being too tired to do things. I will not wait any longer for life to come to me. I have become thoroughly fed up with feeling bad for myself or feeling helpless. I am capable of doing things and achieving my goals I have higher ambitions than to stay up way too late watching Netflix and thinking about all things I want to do. Its madness that I want all these things out of life but wont even reach for them.
I refuse to baby myself, to continue to tell myself “You’ve done enough” or “Thats fine” even “It can wait” . No more waiting, I can only control my will and I choose to have the will that I used to possess to be unapologetically me I’ve wasted so much time being subdued and just staying in rather than going out and experiencing things, even little things like my family and my house and my neighborhood.
I guess what I am getting at is that lately I have been struggling with this pit in me that keeps telling me to shut off my mind to stay in and stay away from people. I have gotten to okay with pushing everyone out and just letting myself get into this rut of unhealthy behavior and I really want to see a change in that. I want to see myself becoming the person who I used to believe could achieve my wildest dreams.